Things That Are Destroying Jane Greene’s Undead Social Life Before It Can Even Begin:

1) A twelve-year-old brother who’s convinced she’s a zombie.
2) Parents who are begging her to turn them into vampires.
3) The pet goldfish she accidentally turns instead.
4) Weird superpowers that let her rip the heads off of every other vampire she meets.(Sounds cool, but it doesn’t win you many friends.)
5) A pyschotic vampire creator who’s using her to carry out a plan for world domination.

And finally:
6) A seriously ripped vampire hunter who either wants to stake her or make out with her. Not sure which.

Being an undead, eternally pasty fifteen-year-old isn’t quite the sexy, brooding, angst-fest Jane always imagined….

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My publisher says…

Helen Keeble’s riotous debut novel combines the humor of Vladimir Tod with Ally Carter’s spot-on teen voice. With a one-of-a-kind vampire mythology and an irresistibly relatable undead heroine, this uproarious page-turner will leave readers bloodthirsty for more.

Helen says…

Okay, now that I’m done squirming with pleased mortification at my publicists comparing me to Ally Carter (and facepalming at the dreadful blood pun…), here’s how I described FANG GIRL in my original pitch:

Fifteen-year-old Jane is a massive fan of vampire fiction, so when she unexpectedly wakes up dead one night, she knows exactly what’s in store for her: Angst, intrigue, and a really, really complicated love-life, probably involving a werewolf.

Well, screw that.

Who wants to run off into unknown dangers, when there’s bed and broadband available at home? And once her family gets over the initial shock of her return from the grave, they’re eager to help figure out this whole vampire thing (even if her steampunk little brother is totally convinced she’s a zombie).

But try as Jane might to stay calm and pragmatic, her unlife seems hell-bent on emulating her favourite novels. When the inevitable hot vampire guy (complete with unlikely hair and leather trousers) turns up, just a little too keen on being Jane’s one true soulmate, it’s clear that someone is playing this by the book. But whoever’s trying to manipulate Jane is about to discover that, when it comes to the undead, this vampire fangirl is no sucker.

Excerpt from Chapter 1

Just because I like vampires doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Okay, so my bookcase groans under the weight of paperbacks with moody black-and-red covers. So I’ve seen every episode of Buffy and The Vampire Diaries three times over. So I hang out a lot at Fang-Girls.net — the fansite for all things vampire. But despite all that, I don’t mistake fantasy for reality. I never, not once in all my fifteen years, thought vampires were actually real.

Until, of course, I woke up dead, six feet underground, in my coffin. That’ll convince pretty much anyone.

“Oh, crap,” I said, rubbing my forehead where I’d banged it against the lid while trying to sit up. I performed a quick inventory. Yep — coffin, churning thirst, not breathing, fangs. I could practically hear the ominous music swelling as I reached the inevitable conclusion. I was a vampire, a creature of the night–

Hang on. I could hear ominous music swelling. At least, slightly tinny and rather repetitive ominous music, reverberating in the close confines of the coffin. From my vast store of vampire-related trivia, I identified it as the opening theme from Frank Coppola’s Dracula movie, as interpreted by ringtone.

I was a vampire, and… someone was trying to call me?

– FANG GIRL, YA vampire comedy novel, due Fall 2012 from HarperCollins Teen